Today I met Alicia at Sunstone Yoga for a 6am class. I have never done hot yoga before and way VERY intimidated by it. You open the studio door and it's like a freaking sauna in there..hard to breathe deeply at first. Already there was anxiety rearing it's ugly head...blah!
I sat in there for a while, got adjusted and said to myself"We are going to do this!" and I did. The poses were not hard but the heat really made every inch of my body slick with sweat. Sweat, sweaty and sweatier...I have not sweat that much in a LONG TIME. There was a couple dizzy spells and unpleasant moments but overall it was a nice calming experience.
This class was done without music but strangely enough, it wasn't needed. After class I drank a ton of ice cold H20 and just chilled before heading to work. I plan to go back a few more times this week and try some other classes...Earth, Water and Wind.
During class there was much staring at your body in the mirror for poses and fine tuning. I found this to be the toughest aspect because I was in a sports bra and pants....with my love handles and tummy hanging out. YES, I do in fact have both as I had gained 10 lbs since last year...I'm working to lose it but it's SLOW. Body image is something I really have a problem with...a seriously ugly problem. I really hate my figure right now and that hatred is not going to help my plight. If only there was away to really love yourself-body flaws and all........
So staring at my muscular yet flabby body in the mirror and noticed things i actually liked and many things I disliked. My stomach isn't toned up yet but it's getting there and certain poses showed off that nicely. There were rolls, love handles and flab.It was hard to stare at them for long periods of time but maybe it's good to keep looking at them. Maybe someday the disgust will turn into something more tolerable.....like acceptance??? Why is that soooooooo difficult? Seriously? I am not fat by any means but I am also holding myself to the toned standard of two summers ago when I was 10% BF...lean.mean and muscles!!!! Age does seem to be a factor.
For my 35th Birthday...all I really want it to like myself more and accept my body, flaws and all. Can anyone get that for me?
This blog went deeper than anticipated but I needed to vent/ramble.