Monday, January 26, 2015

Thankful




NEGATIVE!

The biopsy results were NEGATIVE! Every time I write/say that I can't help but feel grateful. Breast Cancer in it's earliest forms is very treatable but the Dr visits, money, time and stress lead down a road I'm happy to avoid.

Knocked out the car issues as well. I'm mentally crossing off to-do items daily and it feels so good. This week we have the bilateral MRI's which will be read the following week. It's fixable. Even if surgery is needed....completely fixable.

They say 99% of the things we fear never come to pass.


B



Thursday, January 22, 2015

Moving Forward



Clearly this gal needed a platform to vent and vent I did. When you start telling EVERYONE your laundry list of issues at the drop of a hat, you're both stressed and in desperate need or therapy. I'm choosing this blog as my personal form of therapy right now.


The breast biopsy day came and went without much incident. It was uncomfortable but no real pain. Bionic Bonus-I now have titanium in my boob serving as a marker for any future issues. Bionic Babs-probably not the last piece of titanium for this body:)


It's amazing what stress can do to a person. I've been sleeping from 7pm til 6am for almost a week. Wait is that stress or depression? Perhaps a little of both? Regardless, the sleep is helping my mental state and alert factor immensely.

I find out  the results of my biopsy Monday at the latest. Although my fingers remain crossed my gut is still pretty certain this isn't cancer.

We will know soon enough.


B

Monday, January 19, 2015

Who Feels Like Venting?





It's been quite a while since I last posted.


 Perhaps I was lazy or overwhelmed with life...probably the later. My life circumstances have changed in big ways since starting this blog at the age of 30. It's amazing what happens in 10 years. The patterns, the life experience, the heartache and elation. Life is powerful.

While turning 40 my body has notified me that it will not tolerate many things of the past, mainly excessive workouts, diets or heavy lifting. Form is everything including precursor to injury.

What do you do when your identity is challenged in ways beyond your control? I've identified as an athlete for more than 20 years. It's been a part of my life like sleeping and eating. Non negotiable. How would you handle the news that things must shift drastically taking you far from your comfort zone? Would you breathe through it and calmly embrace or would you scream and get angry?

I'm angry. Frustrated beyond belief. Exercise has always been my escape mechanism of choice. I'm certainly able to exercise now but everything is drastically limited. I hate limitations. I feel like this post is a complete vent vehicle. It's what I needed in the moment.

Here is the laundry list of things that I must attend to in the next few months. Obviously some things are more pressing than others.

-Breast Biopsy due to a cluster that could be calcification or cancer.
By far the most important thing to address yet I do not feel it's cancer.

-Bilateral Shoulder MRI's
Surprisingly, this is what I'm most worried about. Messed up priorities anyone? I knew I might face shoulder surgery with the right shoulder due to a 50% partial thickness tear of the supraspinatus. Then I injured the other one randomly....sigh.

-Femoral hernia
No bulge and not much pain, just a tender groin. Sometimes I get little picks down my leg if I overdo a leg workout. One Dr said it's something I might be able to live with while another suggested surgery. I'm not sure what the recovery time is for this but surgery and lots of stairs don't mix. Only way to my apt is lots and lots of stairs.

 -Low bone density.
Dexa revealed a surprise since I've been dedicated to weight lifting for 15 years and drank milk daily until the age of 31. It must be hereditary. Regardless I'm taking supplements and trying to get more calcium in my diet which mainly consists of spinach, broccoli, lean protein, protein powder with lots of calcium, Nutritional yeast, coconut oil, cherries and pb2.
Yep---working on that.

Hormonal fluctuations-
Cycle is moving 5 days every month and seems to be getting lighter which could mean the onset of peri or even full menopause.

Car-

Not medical related but it's stressing me out. 2009 Toyota with 75k miles SHOULD NOT be this much of a pain in my ass.

I mean....come on.

The final thing is heartbreak. While heartbreak isn't considered a medical condition it can bring waves of depression and sorrow so strong that one has to remember to breathe. The funny thing is that I didn't realize how much I loved him until he told me he loved me(one drunken night). We said it to each other multiple times while looking into each other's eyes. Days later he mentioned he was too drunk to remember. Slowly over the next few months my anger and his denial destroyed a 5 year long friendship/relationship. Love is not enough.

So there you have it. One hell of a way to bring in my 40th year of life. I'm being tested, if you believe in that. I'm not sure I do but here I am writing about it. I'm angry, heartbroken and struggling to keep my shit together.


Thanks for "listening" to my pity post:)

B













Thursday, January 10, 2013

What's up?

Hey Folks~

I'm in serious SXSW mode right now. Working on showcases, booking bands, getting sponsors and working some ad for the Deli Magazine. This is adding to my regular work duties which are beyond busy this time of the year.

My days are like this:

5am gym
7am -4pm work
then..meeting meeting meetings.

::::::BREATHE:::::::::::

Trying to clean up my diet and get into juicing. Guess I need a good juicer:)

That's all for now.


B

Thursday, January 03, 2013

Happy New Year!!!!

Hello Hello!!!!!


As one of my goal for 2013:I'm working to revive this here blog. It may or may not happen but lets give it a go.

2012 was quite a year filled with tremendous ups and downs. I started to believe in my own personal power and lost it along the way. That is going to change! It's a new year, a new page ready to be written on. I can fill the pages of this new year however I choose...and I'm ready for greatness.

I have come to terms with the fact that shoulder surgery may have to happen this year. I tore my shoulder tendon about 1/6 of the way through at the cuff. No real pain but some discomfort for sure. I'm working to rehab it but it's 2 steps forward and 2 steps back in the process, VERY frustrating for me!!!!! I'm hoping and praying it will scar over and heal..

Things I'm working on right as we speak:

SXSW 2013-lots of things working. Showcases, parties, interviews, bands and more.

BalconyTV-Working to make the shows better and tighter this year. I'd hoping to bring in some great talent from all over Texas.

My fitness-I still have personal goals which will most likely be sidelined by my injury nevertheless...I'll still try.

I also need to work on myself in the realm of possibility and acceptance.

What are your goals?

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Google Yourself

Yesterday I Googled myself  for shits and giggles. It's a fun past time with a hint of narcissism. :)

Lookie what I found, LOTS of pics from past interviews. I also discovered that I wear tank tops allot. Allot allot. So here we have in order, T-Bird and The Breaks, The Crystal Method, People on Vacation and Hum. Good times...




Not always the best pics but entertaining.


Enjoy!








Thursday, August 02, 2012

What's going on?

Hi there!


There is so much going on in my life that I felt the need to catch you up to date...

1-Booking for a local venue called Ruta Maya. Funny..I was doing stand in work for Machete Kills and met the owners of Ruta while waiting. Now I'm booking for Ruta Maya and finally getting paid for some hard but enjoyable work. :)

2- New Film. I'll be shooting Balance Beam in Oct..all my weekends are booked and I have a lead role. VERY excited.

3-ACL Festival. We will be doing press again and I'm working to book bands/interviews for this 3 days event in Oct.

4-Landmark Forum...I'll be taking their 4 day workshop in Sept. I've had many many friends tell me wonderful things about this workshop...I'm excited to expand my horizons.

5-Dia De Los Toadies Festival- We are working press for this and will finally get a Toadies song on BTV:) YAY..I can stop harassing my friend V. I'm super excited because a) The Toadies fucking rock live and b) HELMET is playing with them. Moshlove!

6- Leaders in Music. A dear friend who works for the City of Austin hand picked me to be a part of this new city program. We will help the Austin music legacy and it's possibly one of the biggest honors of my life. Color me excited!

7-A fitness magazine choose me to represent Austin. I'll be doing an interview and it should be on stands in Jan 2013. Say what?

8-SXSW..Already working on this. Might be working on 3 separate music showcases. I'm nuts!

9-Product reviews. I've had a ton of lovely companies ask me to do product reviews and I'm happy to do it. I'd LOVE to do some reviews for fun fitness products..hint hint.


10- New Trainer. Luke Leaman a trainer from the Charles Poliquin method has been working with me for 3 months. I've put on  muscle and my BF % has dropped from 22% to about 18%. Goal is 14/15% by my birthday in Nov. Totally feasible.

The Universe does give you what you ask for BUT one must be READY for it. I've had a FLOOD of opportunities coming my way. With this has come horribe sleep, high stress and anxiety. Still...I'll find a way to balance...hopefully.

B